Everything is completely diffrent now. Its shit but its better. I dont know how that happens but it has. Ive started into a new world of drugs and its opened my eyes. New doors in my mind are opened. Its a completely new experience and its changed how i look at things. I see myself from someone elses perspective now. Theres so much less hind sight. I see it all and i understand it all now, yet i dont control it. It's like a human experiment to watch things play out on an impulse. When everything becomes an impulse it becomes something you want to continue with just to examine where you're going with your decisions without thought. Then again if i thought about what i did i'd completely control the atmosphere. Its just the experience that gets me. Its something i've really fallen in love with, but its not something i'd turn into a habit. Every now and again just to drop for a good time would be kool. I know what some are looking at me and thinking now. I'm headed on a bad path cause i've done something hard now. Thats not tht deal. This shit has opened my eyes to so much more that i had completely ignored til now. I can examine every negative thing about my personality, but i use it to help me now. Everything negative is possible to turn up side down and turn grand. Its all about the experience. Its a whole new world. I woke up that morning and just knew something was diffrent in me. Now i live and well as i can. I cant speak but i can think better than ever.

I started reading again. Playing my guitar. My world is so full of music and words that its not even comprehensable. I sleep i learn i create and i do drugs and thats the life i love leading. Its not as destructive as its taken to be. Its all about self control. I'm happier than i've ever been even though things have gotten so much harder. I'm a stronger person because i have freedom. I feel like a more freer person for the first time in my life. I've never felt so pure. Im cleaning up my act in a whole diffrent kind of way. A mental rentavation. These are the changes I needed and i know i can never go back. I'm picky but it helps. There are certain things that i needed to remove to really function. My mind was so foggy and i'm letting everything go to move on to something new. Its a fresh new world. A new feeling. A new life. The experience.